dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sext me about skeletons
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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