you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
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After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Drunk is not a location!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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