Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
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I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize