if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize