That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
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Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
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The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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