Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Blood and glitter go together right?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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