and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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