ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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