maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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