You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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