for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize