So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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