Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
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Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
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Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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