i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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