id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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