Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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