I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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