Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
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Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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