The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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