Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize