peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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