drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
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Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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