How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
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We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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