i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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