He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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