i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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