I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
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Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
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If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize