You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
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i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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