Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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