If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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