Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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