My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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