You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
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look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
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I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize