yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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