Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize