i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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