I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
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I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
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In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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