Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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