If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
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Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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