You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
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Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize