her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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