he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize