For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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