last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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