i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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