I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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