Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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