and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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