I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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