So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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