did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
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Send help, water and tortillas.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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