if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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