you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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